Writer's Block, Vol. 1

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Hello! This week’s post was supposed to be a million different things. Instead, you get whatever this is, because I have writer’s block. 

For me, writer’s block isn’t necessarily the complete inability to write. Instead, it’s the inability to write something complete and cohesive. For example, I’ll have a good idea but can’t figure out how to start it in a way that leads me into what I’m really trying to say or I’ll have a good start but can’t tie it all together at the end. 

As a result, I’ve written thousands of words this week that don’t have a home. They reside in my Google Docs version of the Island of Misfit Toys. They may eventually see the light of day or they may not. It’s up to God and Rudolph at this point. 

I’ve tried to figure out what exactly causes my writer’s block, and my best guess is it’s the same thing that causes me to write in the first place: thoughts. A quick search shows that nobody can agree on the exact number, but we have between 6,000 and 70,000 thoughts per day. 

Seems impossible to count accurately because as soon as you recognize that you’ve had a thought, you would also have to think to record it. The previous sentence is a great example of how easy it is to let your thoughts get you off track. 

But just as easily as you can get off track, you can get right back on. One of my great realizations is that thoughts carry as much weight as I assign to them. This has helped me think more positively. 

My brain, the one that is helping me type the words on this page, can think that I’m a giraffe. I’m doing it right now. Alas, when I open the front-facing camera on my phone, I see that this is not the case. It was simply a silly thought. Why not apply the same logic to negative thoughts? Why assume they must be true or any less ridiculous?

I’ve gotten much better at being aware of my thoughts and assigning whatever value I decide is appropriate to them. However, I cannot control the amount of thoughts I have.

When I first typed that sentence, I almost started it “unfortunately,” but it really isn’t unfortunate at all. I like having a lot of thoughts. Everything I’ve ever done has started with a thought. If anything, I’m afraid I’ll run out of them.

Every single one of these words started with a thought. Writing is a great exercise in organizing and expressing them. It’s why I enjoy it so much. It’s also why writer’s block is inevitable. 

All of the thoughts I need to write anything I want to write are here. But there are so many other thoughts too! And I have to sort through them all and figure out which ones I need and which order to put them in. 

Then, I have other thoughts telling me why those aren’t the right thoughts. Or why that’s not the right order to put them in. So now I have to figure out if those thoughts are right or not and, if so, how to fix it so that’s no longer the case. 

So I get stuck in a loop of beginnings, middles, and endings. Sometimes, this works. I don’t always write from beginning to end. I’ll just start writing whatever thought I have and BOOM I have the perfect ending staring back at me that helps me work backward and fill in the rest. 

Other times, like the past week or two, I end up with a water pistol that squirts jelly and a Charlie-In-The-Box. 

Then, more thoughts come. Have I lost it? Will I never be able to write anything good ever again? 

But, again, thoughts only have as much weight as you give them. And the only way to get past writer’s block is to write. So I set a timer and tell myself whatever is on the screen when it goes off is what I’m posting. No matter how well the thoughts go together or how silly they might be. 

So that’s exactly what I’m doing because a big portion of why I decided to make my writing public is to teach myself that I am the ultimate judge of what I write. I decide if it’s good or bad. This decision is just another thought. 

Since I control the weight I assign to those, I can tell myself whatever is necessary in order to cope with my current predicament. As the timer winds down and I take a step back and look at what’s on the screen I can’t help but think, “I’m a fantastic writer…

…for a giraffe.”