Screen Shots Special Edition!

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College Football Rivalry Week is right up there with the opening week of the season when it comes to my favorite slate of games to watch. You’ve got all of the most interesting aspects of the sport all wrapped up into a weekend’s schedule. The only problem I run into every year is where do I start?

Well, in an effort to solve that for you, I’ve put together this comprehensive guide to help you decide which games are worth your attention and which games are not! Using a proprietary blend of analysis that weighs all of the factors of College Football Rivalry Week, I’ve separated the games into 3 tiers: Must Watch, Should Watch, and Only If You Really Want. Within these tiers, I’ve also ranked the games from best to worst. Read this, take notes, and get ready to enjoy the final weekend of the college football regular season!

Must Watch 

• Saturday, November 30th: South Carolina Gamecocks @ Clemson Tigers at 12:00 pm (ET) on ESPN

Just like not a single fuckin’ soul everybody thought, the Palmetto Bowl will play a crucial role in finalizing the inaugural 12-team College Football Playoff picture. This happened a couple of years ago when the Gamecocks shocked the Tigers and ended their playoff hopes. This time, South Carolina can do that while also positioning themselves for an at-large bid.

As a Gamecock fan and lifelong South Carolinian, I can attest to the fact that the hatred between the two fanbases is real and spectacular. For instance, I refuse to let cars with Clemson stickers merge in traffic (Note: I do the same thing with Trump stickers too). Of all of my sports fandoms, this is the rival I hate the most. I felt this way even before they were coached by Dabo.

The stakes are high, the hatred is higher, and these teams are pretty evenly matched. South Carolina has a relentless pass rush, led by Kyle Kennard and Dylan Stewart, that’s more than capable of disrupting Clemson QB Cade Klubnik. However, when Clemson RB Phil Mafah is at his best, the Tigers can keep the ball on the ground. I’ve spent the past year out-praying Dabo. It’s time to see if it paid off.

• Saturday, November 30th: Texas Longhorns @ Texas A&M Aggies at 7:30 pm (ET) on ABC

Finally, some conference realignment good! The Lone Star Showdown resumes now that the Longhorns joined the Aggies in the SEC. It was the third-longest rivalry when it went on hiatus after the 2011 game. What a way to come back! The winner of this game will go on to face Georgia in the SEC Championship game. As I explained in this video, in the new 12-team format, conference champions get an automatic bid AND a bye.

Imagine an A&M team that, in November, got the shit kicked out of them by South Carolina AND lost to an Auburn team that needs a win in the Iron Bowl to become bowl-eligible, making the College Football Playoff. Again, they have to win this one first, but Longhorns QB Quinn Ewers hasn’t looked like the player he was last season and comes into this one banged up. Could we see Arch Manning?

A word of warning: ESPN’s College GameDay will be there. Eternal frat bro Pat McAfee’s schtick is participating in the home school’s traditions. That means you will see him act like an Aggies’ Yell Leader. Do NOT throw your remote through your TV in a rage. Take deep breaths and focus on how good of a game this will be.

• Saturday, November 30th: Auburn Tigers @ Alabama Crimson Tide at 3:30 pm (ET) on ABC

It’s absolutely ridiculous, but someone had to write an article asking people to stop killing each other over this game. I’m not sure if it’s more or less ridiculous, but a beloved tree was also killed as a result of this one. Please read this article about the culprit, because the story is so absurd that I didn’t even know which tidbits to include here. So yeah, this game is life or death to these people.

Not exactly the best news for first-year Bama head coach Kalen DeBoer. He knew he was replacing a legend in Nick Saban when he took this job, but did he fully grasp what that meant? Last week’s loss to a bad Oklahoma team was their largest loss to an unranked team since 1998. In this state, that’s enough to make you start looking like a tree. If he loses this one, he might wish he could make like one and leave.

Auburn comes into this one off of an improbable 4OT win against Texas A&M. They need one more win to be bowl-eligible in Hugh Freeze’s first season at the helm. Hide his university-issued cell phone if that happens! And, most importantly, hide Kalen DeBoer.

• Saturday, November 30th: Kansas St. Wildcats @ Iowa St. Cyclones at 7:30 pm (ET) on Fox

Turns out, the more teams you add to a conference, the harder it is to figure out the conference champion. According to the Big 12 office, there are 256 scenarios at play when it comes to who will play for their conference title. Both of these teams are in the thick of it, so this one matters quite a bit.

They call this one “Farmageddon,” which is awesome. It’s one of the longest and most even rivalries in the country. The Cyclones lead the series 53-50-4. In keeping with tradition, this game should be close. Kansas State utilizes a rushing attack led by DJ Giddens, who has his 2nd straight 1200-yard season on the ground. They’ll need him to eat up clock and help neutralize Iowa State’s passing game.

Cyclones’ QB Rocco Becht has a cool name and a big target in 6’4” WR Jayden Higgins. I watched their game last week when they managed to hold on against Utah, and Higgins’ only touchdown came in the first half, but he was making play after play in the second half to keep drives alive. It will be a long day for the Wildcats if they can’t figure out how to keep the ball out of his hands.

• Saturday, November 30th: Arizona St. Sun Devils @ Arizona Wildcats at 3:30 pm (ET) on Fox

Arizona State is also in that wackadoo Big 12 title game logjam. They take on their in-state rival in the Duel in the Desert. Cool name, and like Farmageddon, a close all-time series that the Wildcats lead 51-44-1. They play for the Territorial Cup, which is somehow an upgrade over the ol’ Big Game Trophy that they played for through 1997.

The Sun Devils are the favorite to both win this and wade through the tangled cords of the Big 12 to make the conference title game. They are led by an absolute monster at running back in Cam Skattebo. Not only did he have 147 yards and 3 TDs in their upset of BYU last week, but he also acted like a bouncer to get students back in their seats after a premature celebration.

Arizona has had a rough year, and may very well need to win this one to save first-year head coach Brent Brennan’s job. WR Tetairoa McMillan is quietly 3rd in the country in receiving yards per game. They’ll need a big game from him to have a shot. Also, for him to somehow play defense too.

• Friday, November 29th: Minnesota Golden Gophers @ Wisconsin Badgers at 12:00 pm (ET) on CBS

The most-played rivalry in FBS history! You’d think they would have figured out who’s better by now, but, after 133 games, the Badgers lead the series by a single win. You already know that the winner gets Paul Bunyan’s Axe, but did you know they used to get the Slab of Bacon trophy? It was a wooden carving meant to symbolize that the winner had “brought home the bacon,” which could be the most midwestern thing ever.

Wisconsin needs to bring home the bacon this year if they want to make a bowl game. This is the 2nd straight season they’ve limped to the finish line after a 5-2 start. QB Braedyn Locke has started 8 straight games for the injured Tyler Van Dyke. He has thrown an interception in every single one of them. The Golden Gopher defense is #6 in interceptions. A not-so-classic rock meets soft place scenario.

They can pull this one off though. Not only are they at home, but Minnesota is coming off a brutal 1-point loss to Penn St. where they were unable to get the Nittany Lions offense off the field during the final 5:48 of the game. They’ve also already clinched a bowl berth, so Wisconsin will have the motivation edge there. Much like the all-time series, I’d expect a close one.

• Saturday, November 30th: Tennessee Volunteers @ Vanderbilt Commodores at 12:00 pm (ET) on ABC

These 2 are in-state rivals who have played 118 times, but never even bothered to give their rivalry a name because it’s been so lopsided in favor of Tennessee. However, Vandy has a legitimate chance in this one, which is the first time anybody has said that about them when facing a Tennessee team ranked this high.

QB Diego Pavia led the Commodores’ upset of then-#1 Alabama that planted the seed that led to the Crimson Tide becoming the butt of my tree jokes. After that one, Vandy fans marched the goalposts through downtown Nashville. If they pull this one off, word is Morgan Wallen will throw them off the roof of Chief’s.

Josh Heupel burst onto the scene as Tennessee’s coach thanks to a high-octane passing offense, but it’s actually been a stifling defense that has won games for them this season. They allow the 4th fewest points per game in the nation. Their offense still puts up points, but now it’s thanks to their run game. RB Dylan Sampson has run for over 1300 yards and a school-record 22 TDs. This is especially incredible considering the quality of running backs that have come through here in my lifetime.

Should Watch

• Friday, November 29th: Mississippi St. Bulldogs @ Ole Miss Rebels at 3:30 pm (ET) on ABC

In 1926, Ole Miss upset Mississippi St. on the road to end a 13-game losing streak in this rivalry. Rebel fans stormed the field to try and tear down the goalposts. Bulldog fans weren’t about to lose and watch their field get destroyed, so they stormed the field to beat the shit out of them with wooden chairs. Both sides realized that this probably wasn’t great so they created an egg-shaped trophy for the winner to claim. Because these people are Mississippians, this worked. And, thus, we have the Egg Bowl.

Ole Miss is barely hanging onto their College Football Playoff dreams. They should win this one easily, but, as much as I like ol’ Joey Freshwater Lane Kiffin, his teams have a knack for losing embarrassing games. This would certainly be that.

• Saturday, November 30th: Michigan Wolverines @ Ohio St. Buckeyes at 12:00 pm (ET) on Fox

I’m not going to lie, this rivalry is overhyped for me. Each fanbase carries itself with an air of pretentiousness as though they are above all of the uncouth ways of southern football like they aren’t trading memorabilia and stealing signals with the worst of us. And this year it doesn’t even have the playoff implications that it typically does to help cover up the stench of bougie-ness. The Buckeyes will almost certainly make the playoffs no matter the result. The Wolverines are barely bowl-eligible.

However, just imagine with me for a second that Ohio St. loses. That would be a 4th straight loss to that team up north for Ryan Day. Woody Hayes would bust through his casket Undertaker-style and kick his ass himself. That’s enough for me to tune in. I’m not asking you to pull for Michigan. I certainly won’t be. I’m merely asking you to root against the university that admitted both Jeffrey Dahmer and J.D. Vance.

• Saturday, November 30th: Virginia Cavaliers @ Virginia Tech Hokies at 8:00 pm (ET) on ACC Network

I’m an absolute sucker for mediocre college football, and it gets no more mediocre than this matchup right here. There was a point in this season when it looked like this was going to be a game between two decent teams, but the wheels have fallen off at the end and they both enter this one needing a win to make a bowl game. That’s great for us!

The Hokies’ run game and defense should give them the upper hand. They’ve dominated this series recently, losing just twice since 1999. However, the Cavaliers have shown signs of improvement in year 3 under Tony Elliott. He’s a Clemson grad, but his life story might compel me to let him change lanes in traffic.

• Saturday, November 30th: North Carolina St. Wolfpack @ North Carolina Tar Heels at 3:30 pm (ET) on ACC Network

This one was interesting to me, but probably wouldn’t be as high if news hadn’t broken that Tar Heels coach Mack Brown was going to be let go after this season. This ends a back-and-forth that started in the locker room after UNC gave up 70(!!!) points to James Madison in an embarrassing home loss. Mack told the team he’d resign if they no longer thought he could do the job. After those comments got out, he said he’d changed his mind and would be staying through the end of the season. Then, he got all fired up and said he was coming back next season too. Apparently, that was too far for university admin.

The Tar Heels will look to send him out on top in what could very well be the final game of a respectable coaching career. Expect heavy doses of RB Omarion Hampton, the nation’s 3rd leading rusher. However, the Wolfpack won’t make it easy. They’re a scrappy bunch who have hung in there after their starting QB retired due to concussions just 2 games into the season. They are a game away from bowl eligibility, which should provide enough extra motivation to make this one close.

• Saturday, November 30th: Louisiana Ragin’ Cajuns @ Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks at 12:00 pm (ET) on ESPNU

Hell yes, a non-Power 4 rivalry game. The Battle on the Bayou has postseason implications too! The Ragin’ Cajuns are looking for a win to secure a spot in the Sun Belt title game while the Warhawks need a win to go to a bowl game. Who will take home the Wooden Boot?!?

For Louisiana, keep an eye on WR Lance LeGendre. You may remember him from Netflix’s QB1. Well, he’s changed positions and leads the team in receiving. On the ULM side, their offense is centered around RB Ahmad Hardy. The freshman leads the conference with 1,179 yards on the ground. Nobody else has rushed for 850. Not bad!

• Saturday, November 30th: Notre Dame Fighting Irish @ Southern Cal Trojans at 3:30 pm (ET) on CBS

This is another one where the participants are a little too snooty for my liking. I mean, what in the hell is a Jewelled Shillelagh? But they’ve had some good battles over the years so I do have to give them some credit.

However, they get no credit from me for their performances this year. Lincoln Riley is flat-out robbing the Trojans’ Athletic Department. He’s like a lamer, less successful Deion Sanders. Take a lap. On the other hand, Marcus Freeman has had success, but who wouldn’t with that schedule? They play ACC bottom feeders and service academies are ushered into the College Football Playoff because the committee believed the hype from the movie Rudy. The hate watch value in this one is off the charts. Plus, as bad as Southern Cal is, they have a legitimate shot in this one.

• Saturday, November 30th: Nevada Wolf Pack @ UNLV Runnin’ Rebels at 8:00 pm (ET) on CBSSN

I may not know what a Jewelled Shillelagh is, but I damn sure know what a cannon is, and that’s what the winner of this one gets. The Fremont Cannon is not only badass but also the heaviest and most expensive trophy in college football. Hell yeah, brother. I can already tell you the Runnin’ Rebels didn’t win this when Suge Knight was there or we most definitely would have heard about it.

It’s been a weird season for UNLV. They came out hot before losing their starting QB to an NIL dispute that we still don’t seem to have the full story on. New QB Hajj-Malik Williams has done a great job of helping everyone forget that other guy, and now here they are with a shot to make the Mountain West conference championship game. If they win it, there’s a non-zero chance that they will also find themselves in the College Football Playoff. If that happens, they should fix the cannon so that it fires again.

• Friday, November 29th: Nebraska Cornhuskers @ Iowa Hawkeyes at 7:30 pm (ET) on NBC

This was headed to an entirely different section, but both programs managed to free themselves from two of the worst offensive coordinators in football history, Brian Ferentz and Marcus Satterfield. You have to watch simply to see them both score points for what may be the first time since I had a head full of hair. The winner gets to brag about how their state produces the superior corn.

Cornhuskers’ freshman QB Dylan Raiola is best known for his Patrick Mahomes impersonations off the field. Thanks to Satterfield’s reassignment, he might be able to finally show us that he can impersonate him on the field too. On the Iowa side, new OC Tim Lester figured out that you can just hand the ball off to RB Kaleb Johnson a million times a game and live with the result. This is wildly different from their previous offensive scheme of punting as much as possible. These teams combined for 23 points last year. They might each score that many this time around.

Only If You Really Want

• Saturday, November 30th: Illinois Fighting Illini @ Northwestern Wildcats at 12:00 pm (ET) on Big Ten Network

The Fighting Illini have had an under-the-radar good season thanks to the much-improved play of QB Luke Altmyer, but it’s going to take a bit more than that and the Land of Lincoln Trophy to get me to overlook just how bad Northwestern has been this year. The Wildcats rank 132nd in yards per game. There are 133 teams.

• Saturday, November 30th: Louisville Cardinals @ Kentucky Wildcats at 12:00 pm (ET) on SEC Network

Louisville QB Tyler Shough is having the best season of his career. This is notable because he was a backup at Oregon when Justin Herbert was the starter. Kentucky coach Mark Stoops was talking cash shit about how great he was until he got himself a fat contract extension in 2022. The day after he signed it, he lost to Vandy. This is pretty much how things have gone for them in the time since. I’m guessing both fan bases have shifted their focus to basketball by now.

• Saturday, November 30th: Arkansas Razorbacks @ Missouri Tigers at 3:30 pm (ET) on SEC Network

When I looked up the name for this rivalry and saw they call it the Battle Line Rivalry after the line that divided the states during the Civil War, I got incredibly excited to find some cool historical facts to share with you. Turns out these frauds have only played 15 times. This didn’t become a regular matchup until 2014. There are some exciting WRs on both sides, but I don’t know if they’ll be able to save this one since I don’t trust their QBs to throw the ball to them.

• Saturday, November 29th: Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets @ Georgia Bulldogs at 7:30 pm (ET) on ABC

Let’s start with the fact that Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate is a bit wordy and unimaginative for a rivalry game. Also, Georgia Tech has had a good season, but they are still Georgia Tech while Georgia is still Georgia so this will be the football equivalent of watching a nerd get stuffed in a locker. Everything you know about Bulldogs QB Carson Beck makes sense when you find out he’s from Jacksonville.

• Saturday, November 30th: Washington Huskies @ Oregon Ducks at 7:30 pm (ET) on NBC

I’m going to be careful here because I feel like both fanbases consist of people in anti-government militias. The stakes just aren’t high enough this season. Last year, both teams were awesome, they played in this AND the last Pac-12 title game, and it was great. This year? Meh. The Huskies will go to a bowl game. Oregon will make the College Football Playoff regardless of the result. A shrug of a game.

• Saturday, November 30th: Florida Gators @ Florida St. Seminoles at 7:00 pm (ET) on ESPN2

I can’t believe they are still playing this one. The Seminoles have set out to get revenge on college football for (correctly) leaving them out of the College Football Playoff last season by playing so poorly that I question whether or not I truly like football whenever I watch them play. The Gators seemed headed for a similar fate, but ol’ crispy lineup Billy Napier righted the ship somehow so shoutout to him.

• Saturday, November 30th: Purdue Boilermakers @ Indiana Hoosiers at 7:00 pm (ET) on FS1

Well, that was fun, Hoosiers fans, but it’s over now. Wave around your 1 loss all you want, but your team looked overmatched against the Buckeyes and your wins have come against some of the worst the country has to offer. It’s fitting that you close your season out against a 1-win Purdue team. Worst of all, they are playing for the Old Oaken Bucket. Sounds like something the loser should be forced to take. For some reason, there’s a poem for it too. This is what goes for entertainment in Indiana.

Alright, that will do it for the Special Edition College Football Rivalry Week edition of Screen Shots! Appreciate you checking it out! The regular version will still arrive in your inbox on Thursday morning so you can read it and figure out when you have to be in front of a TV. Thanks for reading this!