Having Fun Isn't Hard When You've Got A Library Card

Welcome to the “Words About Words” section of The Show Notes! This is where I write about what I read. Books, articles, whatever. If you enjoy this, be sure to check out my show!

At some point in my mid-20s, I forgot how to read for fun. Best I can figure, this coincides with the development of an overwhelming self-consciousness about whether or not society perceived me as successful. 

Instead of reading for recreation, as I had up until that point in my life, I began devouring any and every type of self-improvement book I could get my hands on. Maybe one of them would have whatever answer I was looking for, or I’d be able to redeem my Accelerated Reader points for the complete and utter destruction of my insecurity (and a pizza party).

None of this happened. At least, not directly from reading. Sure, I learned new information and re-examined old information I thought I knew. But I generally felt the same. My problem was still there. 

I also had a new problem in that I had removed something from my life that I enjoyed. I turned reading into a chore. Something that must be done. A mandatory homework assignment. 

Book after book after book after page after page after page after word after word after word, I managed to turn reading into an absolute slog. Eventually, I couldn’t even finish the books. I’d get about 3/4ths of the way through and put it down, never to be opened again. 

“You can’t start the next book until you finish the one you’re on,” I’d tell myself. A level of procrastination mortals can only hope to achieve. Also, a lie. I have dozens of books that I never got back to. 

Finishing them was pointless anyway. I knew the ending. You read enough of these books and you find that they all have the same message about believing in yourself. We all know that though. Where they failed was in telling me how as well as what I needed to do to convince you to believe in me as well. 

For reasons that I can’t explain yet, it hit me that maybe I was trying to solve a problem that either didn’t matter or didn’t exist. What if I don’t have to be awesome or convince anybody of my awesomeness? What if I just am? Can I just be?

Now, this is easier said than done. But to be I have to do, and the first thing I wanted to do was read for no reason at all. 

Since, again, this is easier said than done, I spent a great deal of time and thought on what exactly I would read first. Could I find the perfect book to read for fun? Maybe someone wrote a book about how to do exactly that. Or, better yet, maybe there was an entire genre devoted to it that I could spend all my time reading in the hopes the answer would finally come to me!

Luckily, it wouldn’t take me another decade to work past this, so I worked up the nerve to drive the 10 minutes or so to my nearest library and see what I could find. 

Sometimes, being a human is inconvenient. This was one of those times. I was nervous about the whole ordeal. I had to get a library card, ask how to check books out since I hadn’t been in a library in way too long, and then walk around and find something to read. 

To you and me, these are perfectly acceptable behaviors. It’s exactly what a library is for. Logically, I know this. However, as a human, there’s a part of me that sometimes resists being logical. 

So there I was afraid that maybe this library was different than every other library on earth or I’d accidentally try to order birria tacos instead of asking for a library card. Luckily, I managed to navigate this entire interaction in as routine a manner as possible.

The act of searching the library for a book to check out was soothing. It reminded me of being a kid. Suddenly, everything felt familiar. 

I settled on two books: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson and Killing Commendatore by Haruki Murakami.

I was discussing my desire to start reading for fun with my best friend and he suggested finding something by Murakami, whom I had never heard of. 

I had certainly heard of Thompson, and whenever the subject of reading or writing came up with that very same friend I made a point to detail Thompson’s absurd daily schedule to my incredibly patient friend. 

While I knew Thompson’s prodigious drug consumption like the back of my hand, I hadn’t actually read any of his writing. At least not that I was aware of. I figured I should do so if for no other reason than to have another Hunter S. Thompson fact to discuss with my friend. 

I am happy to report that I have finished Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I’m even happier to report that I learned nothing from it. 

For those who haven’t read it yet, it’s basically The Hangover if you swap out the bachelor party for a journalism assignment. It’s based on actual events in Thompson’s life, but the exact ratio of fact to fiction isn’t known. I wouldn’t say it was the best book I’ve ever read. It’s an entertaining, easy read though.

If you’ve read this far, consider this a reminder to allow yourself to simply be. Oh, and read for fun. If you have any book suggestions, send them my way!