A Farewell to the Kick Return

I would simply not return kicks.

Welcome to the “Casual Fan” section of The Show Notes! This is where I talk about sports. Certain aspects of what you read here, such as the depth of the analysis and amount of objectivity, will vary depending on a number of different factors. I promise to always be entertaining though. If you like this, check out my show!

The NFL announced that they have changed the kickoff rules in an effort to cut down on injuries. Best I can figure, the new rules involve the kicker still kicking off from their own 35-yard line, but the kickoff team lines up on the receiving team’s 40-yard line. The receiving team then places a minimum of 9 members between their 30 and 35-yard line. What happens after that falls somewhere between calculus and witchcraft. 

The thinking appears to be that with less space between everybody to pick up speed, the less forceful collisions will be, and the fewer injuries will occur. As someone who would never participate in a football game (hear about why on YouTube, Apple, or Spotify), I can certainly appreciate that. 

It does feel like this is the end of kickoffs though. And all of the reasons why we need to get rid of them also made it one of the most exciting plays in sports. So, as we say goodbye to this part of the game, let’s look back at the most exciting kickoff returners I’ve ever seen.

Mel Gray

Mel Gray is the physical prototype I think of when I think of star kick returners. A shifty 5’9” 167 lbs, I remember Gray most as the return specialist for the Houston Oilers in Madden ‘97 for Super Nintendo that I rented from Blockbuster most weekends. 

However, he’s most known for his time with the Detroit Lions where he was a 3-time 1st Team All-Pro as a kick returner. His best season was in 1994 when he averaged 28.4 yards per return including 3 touchdowns. 

How these sorry Lions teams could not figure out other creative ways to incorporate him into the offense is beyond me. In 6 years with the team, he had 10 touches on offense. That’s absolutely heinous. Guess it’s easier to blame Scott Mitchell.

Michael Bates

Bates was also Madden-famous to me as well as being the kick returner for the Carolina Panthers who allegedly represent my state of South Carolina. His first season with the team they went all the way to the NFC Championship game and he was named 1st Team All-Pro as a return man after leading the league with an insane 30.2 yards per return.

Like Gray, he had a slight build and was almost never used on offense. I am starting to wonder if these things might be connected. Bates had legitimate world-class sprint speed. No, really. He edged out Carl Lewis, CARL LEWIS!, for the final 200M spot on the 1992 U.S. Olympic team. If only he edged him out to sing the national anthem that one time. In Barcelona, he ran 20.38 in the final to earn the bronze medal.

Tamarick Vanover

I’m stuck on the Madden thing, and Pat Summerall said Tamarick’s name so cool. He had a brief moment as a return guy, with 4 kick return TDs in his first 3 seasons, before having all sorts of off-the-field issues

He was also a standout punt returner and used as a receiver from time to time, finishing his career with 39 receptions. Unfortunately, his off-field issues have continued as he was sentenced to prison in 2022 for healthcare fraud. Some might say that health care in this country is the real fraud.

Tony Horne

Horne is one of the few Clemson players I will publicly praise. He only played 3 seasons due to a knee injury, but what a 3 seasons they were! Horne was the kick returner for the “Greatest Show on Turf” St. Louis Rams. I can still see him standing back there in those garish blue and yellow uniforms

During their 1999 Super Bowl championship season, Horne led the NFL with 29.7 yards per return and 2 TDs. He also returned a kickoff for a TD in their Divisional Round victory against the Minnesota Vikings. He was also very small. I’ll let you guess how much he was used anywhere else on the field.

Dante Hall

The X-Factor! Would throw up an “X” after scoring. Lil Wayne rapped about it. Played college ball at Texas A&M before he was kicked off the team due to parking tickets. What a stupid school! 

Known for his time with the Chiefs when he made returns cool in the early to mid-2000s. A menace as a punt returner too. He scored all 6 of his kick return TDs in a 4-year span (Cordarrelle Patterson is the all-time leader with 9). The Jerry Rice of the kick returners we’ve discussed so far with a whopping 1,747 yards receiving.

Josh Cribbs

A QB at Kent State! The biggest guy we’ve talked about at 6’1” 215 lbs. As a result, had the best offensive single-seasons of our return guys with 381 yards rushing in 2009 and 518 yards receiving in 2011. 

He made his name as a kick returner though. 8 kick return TDs for his career, including 3 in 2009. Did most of his damage for the Browns, who didn’t want to pay him after that 2009 season. He cleaned out his locker, content to find a new team before they finally agreed on a new deal for the 2010 season. Kickoff rules changed in 2011 and he wasn’t as effective. 

He has been pretty open about suffering plenty of concussions during his career (the most jarring one here on a punt return against the Ravens). Sounds like he has no regrets, at least not back then, but a great example of why kick returns probably needed to be made safer. 

That will do it! Who were your favorite kick returners? Drop them in the comments! Farewell, kick returners. You were all crazy and shouldn’t have been allowed to do any of this, but I’ll miss you.